Toxic people

[The passage]

Gaslighters and abusers, even if you look around this forum, you can see that there are quite a few such people here. There are even more of them in life.
How to interact with such people and is it worth doing it at all? Have you had any experience communicating with them?
Your thoughts are very interesting, and even more interesting if you have or have had a similar experience.

[artfelixx]

If you tolerate an abuser, then you need it. Abuse where both want. If they didn’t want to, they would have separated long ago. IMHO.

[The passage]

If you tolerate an abuser, then you need it. Abuse where both want. If they didn’t want to, they would have separated long ago. IMHO.

An abuser suppresses the will. In such a relationship there can be no question of mutual consent.

[SeRg !$!]

bear goodness and you will reap goodness. radiate light and darkness will recede...

[artfelixx]

Marinka, at least for me, for any length of time There was no abusive relationship. I’m nipping it in the bud.
We’ve gained experience, goodbye. Now you know what not to do. Value yourself and your time! ))

[The passage]

Bear good and you will reap good. emit light and the darkness will recede...

It doesn’t work that way unfortunately. In our world, kindness is mistaken for weakness and people begin to take advantage of it.

Sent after 3 minutes 53 seconds:

Marinka, in any case, I didn’t have any long-term abusive relationships. I’m nipping it in the bud.
We’ve gained experience, goodbye. Now you know what not to do. Value yourself and your time! ))

Have you had a similar experience? Can you describe it with examples?

[SeRg !$!]

It also works like from the first time, even if it’s damn lumpy, so keep going! and you will see the transformation. but turn on your head, no need to fire burning oil with water

[The passage]

It also works like the first time, it’s damn lumpy, so keep going! and you will see the transformation. but you don’t even need to turn on your head, you don’t need to turn on the fire of burning oil with water

Give an example of how this works for you? What happened and how did it happen?

[SeRg !$!]

I don’t know, I’m surrounded by kind and positive people, those who are not like that have long fallen behind on the path of my life)!
You’d better give your case, and we’ll think about how to help

[electronics]

I had this experience more than once. How am I fighting? I just don’t communicate with such people.

[Shalun70]

The abuser suppresses the will. In such a relationship, there can be no question of mutual consent.

Marish is not as scary as he is painted... literally six months ago he snatched a girl from the clutches of a loser. .. which has been used for 15 years... Conversation how and what..... intimate... each abuser is individual... And in order for us to discuss it... we will have to caress all your stuff in public... I don’t want to erase you here... If you are interested in my opinion on how and what to do, write to me and I’ll try to help...
Signs of an abuser
https://youtu.be/w4MNLcMt-Cw
Where does abuse begin
https://youtu.be/rUlb115JZfY
How to leave an abuser?
https://youtu.be/uQF3lrMi-Ek
A man is manipulating me
https://youtu.be/zokAgIRJUWw
================================================ ===================================================== =======
Listen to what I think is a good psychologist....

[Shalun70]

How to recognize an abuser in the first stages
nhttps://youtu.be/qX3zD5sPNPE
You shouldn’t live with such men.

How to avoid becoming a victim of Abuse.

[niqk]

Marinka, gaslighters, abusers and other nonsense sounds simply idiotic on a Russian-language forum.
You can say everything in normal language...

[◊_NeBo[_Na_]LaDoNi_◊]

Gaslighters and abusers, even if you look around this forum, you can see that there are quite a few such people here. There are even more of them in life.
How to interact with such people and is it worth doing it at all? Have you had any experience communicating with them?
Your thoughts are very interesting, and even more interesting if you have or have had a similar experience.

b.m. was an abuser.. we somehow lived for 15 years, I don’t know how.. it’s very difficult to get out of this relationship. Thoughts... I don’t know what thoughts. Stay away from these abusers.

[The passage]

Marinka, gaslighters, abusers and others nonsense sounds simply idiotic on a Russian-language forum.
Everything can be said in normal language...

The term “abuse” comes from English “abuse” - “to abuse, insult, mistreat.” Tell me how it will be in Russian, I don’t mind.

Sent after 1 minute 41 seconds:

I had this experience more than once. How am I fighting? I just don’t communicate with such people.

Please tell us in more detail, with examples, for better clarity.

[niqk]

Marinka, these are just scum, bastards, bastards, assholes - choose what suits you best...

[The passage]

Marinka, these are just scum, bastards , whores, assholes - choose what suits you best...

Abuse is a term denoting a person, and you wrote curse words.

[niqk]

Marinka, this just scum, bastards, bastards, assholes - choose what suits you best...

Abuse is a term for a person, and you wrote curse words.

Don’t they mean people? Their most disgusting essence. Abusers obscure this essence...

[electronics]

I can’t communicate with my father. I just feel bad for several days after contact with him. Although there are no external signs of suppressive behavior. No matter how much I try to communicate, everything repeats itself. He doesn’t comment on this in any way.

There was also a work colleague. Woman. I felt strong negativity from her when communicating. Thank God she left, because it was very difficult.

And so, in general, if I feel something like that when contacting someone, I immediately stop communicating.

Maybe it’s the energy of people, I feel good, I don’t know.

[niqk]

elrotik, people often subconsciously sense the negative attitude of their interlocutor. And if this happens constantly, then a negative attitude towards this person arises. Moreover, purely subconscious...

[The passage]

I can’t communicate with my father. I just feel bad for several days after contact with him. Although there are no external signs of suppressive behavior. No matter how much I try to communicate, everything repeats itself. He doesn’t comment on this in any way.

There was also a work colleague. Woman. I felt strong negativity from her when communicating. Thank God she left, because it was very difficult.

And so, in general, if I feel something like that when contacting someone, I immediately stop communicating.

Maybe it’s about people’s energy, I feel good, I don’t know.

This is not abuse, but energy vampirism, a little different . Although it is possible that an energy vampire is also an abuser and vice versa. Thanks for the examples.

[Topchik]

Have you had experience communicating with them?

Yes, I have. My wife told me that I was a gaslighter and an abuser. I later divorced her, but we still fuck.
By the way, both words are English. Marinka - are you from Ukraine?
It seems to me that Dasha is also from Ukraine. Because she clearly hinted that she was not entirely Russian.
I almost choked.
And why the fuck should I even talk about my nationality to anyone?

[The passage]

Have you had experience communicating with them?

Yes, I have. My wife told me that I was a gaslighter and an abuser. I later divorced her, but we still fuck.
By the way, both words are English. Marinka - are you from Ukraine?
It seems to me that Dasha is also from Ukraine. Because she clearly hinted that she was not entirely Russian.
I almost choked.
And why even bother talking about your nationality to anyone?

Who is Dasha?

[Topchik]

Who is Dasha?

I met her yesterday in the store.
Beautiful girl.

[The passage]

Who is Dasha?

I met her yesterday in the store.
Beautiful girl.

She doesn’t know that you are an abuser?

[Topchik]

She doesn’t know that you are an abuser?

Not yet.

[electronics]

I can’t communicate with my father. I just feel bad for several days after contact with him. Although there are no external signs of suppressive behavior. No matter how much I try to communicate, everything repeats itself. He doesn’t comment on this in any way.

There was also a work colleague. Woman. I felt strong negativity from her when communicating. Thank God she left, because it was very difficult.

And so, in general, if I feel something like that when contacting someone, I immediately stop communicating.

Maybe it’s about people’s energy, I feel good, I don’t know.

This is not abuse, but energy vampirism, a little different . Although it is possible that an energy vampire is also an abuser and vice versa. Thanks for the examples.

Perhaps I don’t understand this much. Only at the level of sensations.

[The passage]

This is not abuse, but energy vampirism, a little different. Although it is possible that an energy vampire is also an abuser and vice versa. Thanks for the examples.
[/quote]



Perhaps I don’t understand this very well. Only at the level of sensations.
[/quote]

Try to mentally build a wall between you and the supposed vampire. Every time, at the very beginning of communication with such a person.

[electronics]

I learned to protect myself from bad influences

[The passage]

I learned to protect myself from bad influence

Tell me how?

[Sibiryak89]

bear good and you will reap good. emit light and the darkness will recede...

It doesn’t work that way unfortunately. In our world, kindness is mistaken for weakness and people begin to take advantage of it.

Sent after 3 minutes 53 seconds:

Marinka, in any case, I didn’t have any long-term abusive relationships. I’m nipping it in the bud.
We’ve gained experience, goodbye. Now you know what not to do. Value yourself and your time! ))

Have you had a similar experience? Can you describe with examples?

And kindness should be with fists

[electronics]

The most important thing is not to communicate. But if the situation is such that communication cannot be avoided, reduce it to a minimum, all conversations are only about business. And also, do not go into provocations when they are trying to provoke you into conflict - your nerves and emotions are the best food for toxicants. They thus feed on your vital energy.

Sent after 52 minutes 6 seconds:
But this is what is on the surface. There is something deeper that I think helps. But it’s a secret)

[Dictator]

b.m. was an abuser.. Somehow we lived for 15 years, I don’t know how..

So I don’t know how, or rather, why it was necessary to continue such things for 15 years relationship.

b.m. was an abuser.. we somehow lived for 15 years, I don’t know how.. it’s very difficult to get out of this relationship.

But you somehow succeeded ... Although why is it hard - you just need to leave.

[◊_NeBo[_Na_]LaDoNi_◊]

b.m. was an abuser.. Somehow we lived for 15 years, I don’t know how..

So I don’t know how, or rather, why it was necessary to continue such things for 15 years relationship.

b.m. was an abuser.. we somehow lived for 15 years, I don’t know how.. it’s very difficult to get out of this relationship.

But you somehow succeeded ... Although why is it difficult - you just need to leave.

If you have not been in such a relationship, then it is difficult to understand.. why?.. what got in the way? .. as they say: I will solve someone else’s misfortune with my hands.
Well, you probably didn’t have two kids working for you and the work was normal.

[AlexTDV]

I don’t pay attention to those! )

[Vladtsst]

There is one simple radical method for dealing with toxic people. Change your country of residence. In many countries, toxicity is punishable by law.

[electronics]

Why such drastic measures? The time will come, they will fall off on their own. This means that for some reason it is necessary for this or that person to be in your life.

[Shalun70]

Tell me how?

Marish.... why are you in the bathhouse? You always seem to be white and fluffy... and then throw you into the bathhouse...
Well, now to our sheep... Marish, to help you... you need to know something... where you are and who is using you. .. Husband at home... one story... beloved man... another.... relatives and another at work, also different... Describe it all... Please have pity on us... this is a complete novel.. . in several volumes... I sent you links... to a good psychogog, in my opinion... katorava is not difficult to listen to... he tells everything through humor... and not in scientific phrases... but in simple language... You know, writing to me a lot is long and difficult, that’s why I dropped the links... and not because Samovo has an empty head...
The first thing to start with is so that you are completely INDEPENDENT of this person in in any plan and in any situation.... Second, think about the safety... of yourself and your loved ones... and only then you need to think about how to place the bull in the right place... Well, then you need to take into account the individual characteristics of this bull... . its weak and strong sides... habits, preferences, fears, reasons for aggression... the ability to move from words to deeds and that’s what this bull is afraid of...
This is all individual and universal advice in this situation. you can’t give... you can only do harm... so we’re waiting for your story at the beginning... and then we’ll try to help

[Ogest]

I try to keep my distance from such people and always quickly end communication with them.

[Shalun70]

Ogest,
To the wise guys who stay away .... I’m sorry, there’s nothing personal... it’s just that such comments are a dime a dozen...
How far can you run away from the husband you gave to the football team...? From children, grandchildren From the boss of something from a prisoner from a brother or sister from a father or mother from a woman or grandfather...?
And among them there are also plenty of abusers...

[Ogest]

Ogest,
nTo the smart guys who stay away.... sorry, there’s nothing personal... it’s just that such comments are a dime a dozen...
How far will you run away from the husband you gave to the football team...? From children, grandchildren From the boss of something from a prisoner from a brother or sister from father and mother from a woman or grandfather...?
And among them there are also plenty of abusers....

They themselves can be abused in return. Especially colleagues at work.

[Shalun70]

P.S. Forgot to mention father-in-law and mother-in-law

Sent after 2 minutes 56 seconds:

They themselves can be abused in return. Especially colleagues at work.

Colleague YES.... and try the boss if this is the only job in that village....?

[Ogest]

P.S. I forgot to mention father-in-law

And abuse them in return.

Colleague YES.... but try the boss if this is the only job in that village....?

I live in St. Petersburg, work is easier here.

[Shalun70]

I live in St. Petersburg, work is easier here.

Let’s all live in St. Petersburg... it’s rubber... :muza :

And abuse them in return.

Especially if you live with your husband or with your husband’s guardians and your husband is a mattress... If that’s all If it were so easy, the abusers would die out like a class... however, we do not observe them very often...
You failed to convince me...

[Ogest]

Let’s all live in St. Petersburg... it’s rubber...

Yes, this is non-rubber Moscow.

Especially if you live with your husband or with your husband’s parents and your husband is a mattress... If everything were so simple, then the abusers would die out like a class... however, we do not observe them very often...
You failed to convince me...

I’m sharing my experience. I would never move into someone else’s apartment and accept someone else’s rules.

[Gudgeon]

Conclusion - be a full-fledged independent person. Rely only on yourself. And choose the same life partners. And no one can “abuse” you (what a vile word). With anyone who tries, you can stop communicating and not get hurt.

Sent after 3 minutes 8 seconds:

I would never move into someone else’s apartment

Similarly. Correct solution! There is no need to put yourself in a subordinate position, especially when coming to someone else’s house. You are a guest there, which means you have the same rights.

[Shalun70]

Conclusion - be a full-fledged independent person. Rely only on yourself. And choose the same life partners. And no one can “abuse” you (what a vile word). With anyone who tries, you can stop communicating and not get hurt.

I agree, but partially... sometimes people become abusers during their life together... Especially the cops, warriors, small or medium-sized bosses... Going into early retirement... we usually have our hands sharpened... the pension is less than the salary... they’re used to commanding... and it’s too frustrating... of course not for everyone. .. but for many...

Similarly. Correct solution! There is no need to put yourself in a subordinate position, especially when coming to someone else’s house. You are a guest there, which means you have the same rights.

You are giving advice to a woman... but you don’t realize that boys care about having a wife... Well, how does it work out... and the girls... go to live with the boys... it’s rare that a woman earns enough to have her own home... and what kind of guy is this who comes to live in his wife’s territory...

[Dictator]

If you have not been in such a relationship, then it is difficult to understand...

God had mercy. There were not even clear examples in the immediate environment. But from the stories of friends, I know that this kind of thing happens - sometimes it’s a specific act.
My mother-in-law, however, sometimes tried to get at something in small ways, but this is far from abuse - just light trolling, which did not evoke anything other than sexual desire and the desire to cover her mouth - either with a kiss, or, in ideally - a member)))

[Shalun70]

Dictator,
Comedian... thank you, I laughed... Well, you and your wife are lucky... usually mother-in-laws are angry... mine tried too, we first moved into a rented house and then bought a pile... we didn’t give the opportunity to sit on the neck...

[Dictator]

Well, you and your wife are lucky...

Definitely!