I liked a very shy guy 🥹

[Izumi]

girls, what would you do if you were me? I like the guy, we communicate as friends, but he is very shy, he has never had a girlfriend.

It would be interesting to read if you had such a situation. what were your actions, taking into account that you are madly attracted to the guy. What would you do if you were in my place?

the most important problem is that suddenly it will not be mutual, then even simple communication will no longer exist.
and I want him to take the initiative himself, never take the first step.

[◊_NeBo[_Na_]LaDoNi_◊]

girls, what would you do if you were me? I like the guy, we communicate as friends, but he is very shy, he has never had a girlfriend.

It would be interesting to read if you had such a situation. what were your actions, taking into account that you are madly attracted to the guy. What would you do if you were in my place?

the most important problem is that suddenly it will not be mutual, then even simple communication will no longer exist.
and I want him to take the initiative himself, never take the first step. n

how old are he and you?.. if he communicates with you, it means he’s not that shy and you can lure him into your network))) you can take the initiative and invite him to a cafe or to the cinema, and then take him by the hand; if he doesn’t remove his hand, it means he likes everything, and in general, if he doesn’t take his eyes off you, it means he’s clearly not against it and you can act more confidently.

[Izumi]

I’m 23, he’s 24.

By the way, I thought about this and was sure that he liked me, maybe even something more, but then I think that I might not have correctly understood the usual good attitude towards me. and then it will be generally awkward.

[◊_NeBo[_Na_]LaDoNi_◊]

I’m 23, he’s 24.

I was thinking about this by the way and was sure that he liked me, maybe even something more, but then I think that I might not correctly understand the usual good attitude towards me. and then it will be generally awkward.

what’s awkward? You are not 5 years old... you are sexually mature adults)) it is normal to show such signs of attention to a person of the opposite sex... even if he does not have romantic feelings for you (which I very much doubt) he will probably be pleased and will even flatter you, that a nice girl paid attention to him and wants reciprocity.

[Lenok]

Definitely take the initiative!

[Bully Carrie]

We communicate as friends, but he is very shy

Shy, exactly? Maybe he just friendzoned you?

[Izumi]

Hooligan Carrie,
exactly 🥹

Sent after 7 minutes 20 seconds:
◊_NeBo[_Na_]LaDoNi_◊,

probably this is the very moment when a person is so dear that it’s scary to take a risk)) no one has been so interested in this for a long time.

[◊_NeBo[_Na_]LaDoNi_◊]

Hooligan Carrie,

exactly 🥹

Sent after 7 minutes 20 seconds:
◊_NeBo[_Na_]LaDoNi_◊,

probably this is the very moment when a person is so dear that it’s scary to take a risk)) no one has been so interested in this for a long time.

What’s the worst thing that can happen if you take the initiative?

[Lisa24]

girls, what would you do if you were me? I like the guy, we communicate as friends, but he is very shy, he has never had a girlfriend.

It would be interesting to read if you had such a situation. what were your actions, taking into account that you are madly attracted to the guy. What would you do if you were in my place?

the most important problem is that suddenly it will not be mutual, then even simple communication will no longer exist.
and I want him to take the initiative himself, never take the first step. n

is it not destiny to talk? you communicate and are friends, what’s so difficult to say that you like him and would like to take your relationship to another level?

[Lizkkka616]

I think it’s worth talking and discussing the issues that concern you directly with him, over a cup of coffee or tea on a walk)

[The passage]

girls, what would you do if you were me? I like the guy, we communicate as friends, but he is very shy, he has never had a girlfriend.

It would be interesting to read if you had such a situation. what were your actions, taking into account that you are madly attracted to the guy. What would you do if you were in my place?

the most important problem is that suddenly it will not be mutual, then even simple communication will no longer exist.
and I want him to take the initiative himself, never take the first step. n

Whether he likes you or not, nonverbal signs can help. Use your powers of observation. Feelings and emotions can be read by facial expressions, gestures, and posture. I always pay attention to the eyes, it’s not for nothing that they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul.
You will have to take the initiative into your own hands, but do not overdo it. Take your time. Too much action on your part will push him away. Be yourself. The pretense will be noticeable, and such relationships will not last long.
When you flirt, look at his reaction. Don’t make him blush all the time. Use flirting in moderation.
Communicate more, get to know him as best as possible, tell him about yourself. But don’t rush either.
Gradually move on to dating. It’s good if he dances and likes it. While dancing, it’s very good to kiss for the first time)))
But, don’t be intrusive. Such a man needs to create a comfortable atmosphere for him. Which will give him self-confidence.
If he has a negative attitude towards your increased attention, then it makes sense to ask him directly whether he likes you or not. If you like it, then ask what you are doing wrong. And if you don’t like him, then end the relationship. You shouldn’t live in dreams about a person who is not interested in you.

[Olfar]

Maybe off topic, but that’s what I’m thinking. What’s wrong with a guy that he’s never had a girlfriend at 24? How he survived puberty and all of his youth. It seems to me that there may be a very good reason there.
I, of course, saw girls who had never had a boyfriend on the verge of 25, but there were real problems with their appearance and psyche.

[The passage]

Maybe off topic, but I’m thinking. What’s wrong with a guy that he’s never had a girlfriend at 24? How he survived puberty and all of his youth. It seems to me that there may be a very good reason there.
I, of course, saw girls who had never had a boyfriend on the verge of 25, but there were real problems with appearance and psyche.

nHe may just be modest, timid. Raised one way or an introvert.

[Lenok]

He may just be modest, timid. Is he brought up this way or is an introvert.

if he really is so well-mannered, then the author may be lucky, such guys are very reliable and faithful

[Olfar]

He may just be modest, timid. Was he brought up this way or is he an introvert

Maybe. But this means that he has problems adapting to human society, and this is no longer the norm.

[The passage]

He may simply be modest, timid. Was he brought up this way or is he an introvert

Maybe. But this means that he has problems adapting to human society, and this is no longer the norm.

What makes you think that this is not the norm?
There are approximately equal numbers of extroverts and introverts, and a well-mannered person is of course a rarity, but they are the norm for Homo sapiens.
Such people do not have a problem with adaptation. They’re just different and that’s their specialty.
It is not easy to live with a timid person, but if a person is an extrovert, sociable, sociable, this does not mean at all that it will be easy with him. Everyone has their own cockroaches, their own weaknesses, negative character traits. Its pros and cons.

[hello. I don’t hear]

girls, what would you do if you were me? I like the guy, we communicate as friends, but he is very shy, he has never had a girlfriend.

It would be interesting to read if you had such a situation. what were your actions, taking into account that you are madly attracted to the guy. What would you do if you were in my place?

the most important problem is that suddenly it will not be mutual, then even simple communication will no longer exist.
and I want him to take the initiative himself, never take the first step. n

The saying is that what a sober man has in his head is what a drunk man has on his tongue.

[The passage]

He may simply be modest, timid. Is he brought up this way or is an introvert.

if he is really so well-mannered, then the author may be lucky, such guys are very reliable and loyal

A well-mannered person is not always faithful and not always reliable. Unfortunately.

[in Peru]

I think you should take the initiative and show that you like him. Somehow, casually cuddle, take your hand. And then the ball is in his court

[Olfar]

Why do you think that this is not the norm?
There are approximately equal numbers of extroverts and introverts, and a well-mannered person is of course a rarity, but they are the norm for a reasonable person.
For such people no problem with adaptation. They are just different and this is their peculiarity.
It is not easy to live with a timid person, but if a person is an extrovert, sociable, sociable, this does not mean at all that it will be easy with him. Everyone has their own cockroaches, their own weaknesses, negative character traits. Its pros and cons.

I meant that if a person’s adaptation to society is disrupted, then medicine suggests that we consider this person’s condition as borderline. I can’t say that this case is exactly like that; perhaps it just happened that way due to circumstances. However, my experience suggests that if a person is unable to build relationships with the opposite sex for a long time, then there are usually signs of psychopathy, or some serious character defect, due to which everything happens. Or, alternatively, some destructive beliefs, inflated expectations and something like that. Everything is understandable. And here you have to think about how comfortable it is with such a person and whether there is a willingness to chase away the cockroaches in his head in the name of continuing the relationship with him.

[Beautiful]

girls, what would you do if you were me? I like the guy, we communicate as friends, but he is very shy, he has never had a girlfriend.

It would be interesting to read if you had such a situation. what were your actions, taking into account that you are madly attracted to the guy. What would you do if you were in my place?

the most important problem is that suddenly it will not be mutual, then even simple communication will no longer exist.
and I want him to take the initiative himself, never take the first step. n

It may very well not be a matter of his embarrassment, but the fact that you are not his type. Sex may happen because of your persistence, but it will not lead to a good relationship in the future.

[Bully Carrie]

A well-mannered person is not always faithful and not always reliable.

Absolutely!

[Bully Carrie]

and this is no longer the norm.

And if it’s not normal, then what? Can’t get into a relationship?
What a terrible label "not the norm". Well, that’s it now, should we go kill ourselves against the wall?

[etc]

Looks like the guy got it.))) A whole headquarters has already set up here)))

[libertine]

I had the following case: I was fully 18 years old - I was a virgin and so shy and modest. I did an internship at a recreation center, and one girl came to rest for the 2nd stream (this is from June 15 to June 30, it seems). And so the whole stream she paid attention to me, did not take her eyes off - I did not attach any importance. And then, on the last day of the flow, she took me by the hand, we began to walk hand in hand, then we began to kiss and hug. She sat on my lap and squirmed. She was 16 years old. Then, a few years later, she and I agreed and met for a walk. It was 2010, when I was already divorced. And so we walk along the avenue, and I ask her a question: "Listen, on that last day of the flow, would you agree with me...well...is...the same one...?" And she interrupting like this: "Fuck?" I start laughing wildly, because I didn’t expect such an expression from her. But it was said sincerely. And I say: "Yes!" She: "Yes, of course!"
After that, I remember this story, and others associated with it - and I so regret that there was a chance with have sex with her, and I am a mug friend who did not notice these hints, but treated me like a friend!
P.S. Therefore, dear author, I advise you not to miss the chances of what you want and want to do! If it suddenly turns out that you then stop communicating (for some reason), then that’s how it will be, it means he was not your friend, but an asshole who took advantage of you. Because I believe that sex is not a hindrance to friendship!
P.P.S. This friend and I still communicate, I am her son’s godfather. I believe that our friendship is very strong!

[Izumi]

Marinka,

uh, thank you very much

Sent after 5 minutes 20 seconds:
Olfar, so, everything is fine with his appearance, very well and with his psyche too) he has a good job, from a normal family, he trains, he has hobbies. By the way, the topic of sports brought us closer together quite by accident. myself in this topic.
He’s just the kind of person he is, he doesn’t let everyone into his social circle. I also asked him why it wasn’t, he says it hasn’t come to that yet) well, in general, I’m sure that everything is fine with him, just not in a hurry, apparently. and it didn’t turn me off at all, but on the contrary 🥹🥹🥹

Sent after 39 minutes 57 seconds:
vvm,
concilium gathered hahaha

[Touch-a-Love]

Izumi, If he really likes you and wants to you to enter into a relationship, I think he will be able to overcome his shyness. But he needs help, unobtrusively and gradually. Alternate between pliability and coldness, that is, arrange such a “swing” so that he continues to have a state of hope for success and at the same time fear of losing you. The main thing is not to overdo it with coldness. The guy may think that you are planning to keep him in the friend zone, and this (I know from experience) sometimes works exactly the opposite. It is these shy guys who, rather than persistent ones, find the willpower to leave the friend zone and go nowhere. And this is already done, as they say.

[aryamari]

never took the first step.

so why not take it? I was the first to kiss my future husband

[The passage]

I meant that if a person’s adaptation to society is disrupted, then medicine suggests that we consider this person’s condition as borderline.

Can you provide more details? ?

However, my experience suggests

Tell me about your experience.

if a person fails to build relationships with the opposite sex for a long time, then there are usually signs of psychopathy

Tell us about the signs of psychopathological syndrome, and we’ll see what prompted you to assume it was at MCH TS?

destructive beliefs

You had destructive behavior mean?
Where do you get all this from? This thread doesn’t even hint at what you’re writing about.

[Olfar]

Marinka, forgive me, but I won’t explain in detail, with references to reference literature. This will go very far beyond the boundaries of the proposed topic. If you are interested in my personal experience of communication, then I can chat with a PM.

[The passage]

Marinka, forgive me, but I will not explain in such detail, with references to reference literature. This will go very far beyond the boundaries of the proposed topic. If you are interested in my personal experience of communication, I can chat PM.

When you wrote about medicine, I thought that you were a doctor, and continued reading your messages, I realized that no and thought that perhaps you are a psychologist, but after reading to the end I realized that you are not a psychologist. I didn’t want to guess where your experience came from, that’s why I asked.
I don’t need links to reference books. I understood perfectly what you wrote about, but since there is nothing in the TS messages that could prompt you to these thoughts, I had questions.

[Let’s]

I would not say that embarrassment and shyness are “not the norm.” Everything I had before I was 24 years old, all cases were initiated by a woman. I was always shy and not talkative from childhood until I was 12 years old, I just couldn’t get a word out... I didn’t even communicate with strangers. Then sociable, company-loving, they called him "the soul of the company", but only in company. One-on-one with the girl, I didn’t know what to talk to her about without looking like an idiot, and the more I thought about what to say, the more I fell into a stupor. I even remember how a friend from the company invited me to another party. There were three girls and I was alone.. My friend from the company and two girls I didn’t know. And with these strangers I didn’t say a word the whole evening, in my opinion... I was like 16 then. I was silent and drank then)) I’m still ashamed))) if I answered questions, it was in monosyllables like yes, no, that’s normal. And all cases of sex in youth were exclusively on the initiative of girls. At the age of 12 I kissed for the first time, we played spin the bottle in a group... After the game we went into pairs, kissed and the first petting happened (it didn’t come to sex then) - so here’s a girl, 3 years older than me, she’s 15, without waiting Until I decide, she took my hand and put it in her panties.. First sex, I was 14, the girl was 8 years older, she started with a kiss first.. And she clearly made it clear that she was ready. Then there was a girl at 17, she was very sociable, and you didn’t have to talk to her, she talked a lot herself.. And sex also happened at her specific suggestion. My brother introduced me to my first wife, and she also took the initiative.. Of course, at 21, I didn’t have to put my hand in myself, but also until we were specifically in bed, I didn’t start. But at about 23-24 they replaced me. My embarrassment and stiffness are gone. I don’t know why. But they passed, their tongue loosened, they became sociable. And now those who communicate with me live cannot believe it. So, sometimes you need to take the initiative and take control in different ways))))

[Izumi]

AryaMari,

I’m a campaign bunny)

[aryamari]

AryaMari,
n
I’m wearing panties)

And you try, pull yourself together, be brave and close your eyes : smile340:

[Izumi]

Touch-a-Love,
n
talking about the friend zone.
at the beginning of communication, when the topic of relationships was raised, I always fumed about it, that I didn’t want to, I couldn’t forget my ex, I complained about how hard it was for me (not much time since the breakup passed). he always supported, distracted, was there in general. I also often said that I was lucky to have such a friend. Then I had no feelings at all and I really treated him exclusively as a friend. Perhaps this also somehow influenced the situation between us now? I can’t understand everything with a cool head, haha, don’t hit me)

thanks for the advice!

[Olfar]

Marinka, by training I am a psychologist, and for a psychologist in First of all, it is important to understand in which area the question lies - psychology or medicine. The use of psychocorrection methods or psychotherapy, respectively, depends on this. It often happens that people perceive some painful conditions as harmless oddities, and then problems arise. I don’t diagnose anyone, but I always suspect that this is possible - and I’m often right.

[The passage]

Marinka, I am a psychologist by training, and for a psychologist, first of all, it is important to understand in which area the question lies - psychology or medicine. The use of psychocorrection methods or psychotherapy, respectively, depends on this. It often happens that people perceive some painful conditions as harmless oddities, and then problems arise. I don’t diagnose anyone, but I always suspect that this is possible - and I’m often right.

Can you give an example of harmless oddities and problems to make it clearer to me What are you writing about now?

[Let’s]

Touch-a-Love,

speaking of the friend zone.
at the beginning of the conversation, when the topic of relationships was raised, I always fumed about it, that I didn’t want to, I couldn’t forget my ex, I complained about how hard it was for me (not a lot of time has passed since the breakup). he always supported, distracted, was there in general. I also often said that I was lucky to have such a friend. Then I had no feelings at all and I really treated him exclusively as a friend. Perhaps this also somehow influenced the situation between us now? I can’t understand everything with a cool head, haha, don’t hit me)

thanks for the advice!

Well, if I talked about this often, then of course it influences, especially if he is shy, he will not be the first to start. You clearly made it clear to him that you have your ex in your head. The guy already understands that he is the one on your mind, not him, and he is seen as a friend. Here you definitely need to take charge of the situation. Take the initiative.

[Olfar]

Marinka, for example, when a person shows himself to be overly jealous and suspicious . Some perceive this as confirmation of affection. But if this is a manifestation of psychopathy, a person is quite capable of grabbing a knife. There was a well-known clinical example when a man, going on a business trip, sewed up a woman’s labia, and she died from infection.

[The passage]

There was a well-known clinical example when a man, going on a business trip, sewed up a woman’s labia, and she died from infection.

First time about this I hear. Where did this happen and when? Why didn’t the woman contact the police and the medical facility?

manifestation of psychopathy, a person is quite capable of grabbing a knife

Even a conditionally mentally healthy person can grab a knife and not all psychopaths resort to violence. But this is not so important now.
Do you suspect psychopathy in all your clients? Do you send them to see a psychiatrist?

[Serg_A]

AryaMari,
n
I’m a coward)

You’re not a coward, you’re just feminine)

[Serg_A]

I am a psychologist by training

All of you psychologists are charlatans. You are of no use. You’re just scamming people out of their money.

[The passage]

All of you psychologists are charlatans.

I have doubts that he is a psychologist. And, not just doubts, that he is a practicing psychologist. I have doubts that he is a psychologist by training. The feeling that he was interested, read something, somewhere on psychology and nothing more.

[Olfar]

Marinka, usually during the initial conversation some control questions are asked, if there is reason to suspect something. To do this, you need to know the basic criteria by which the doctor makes a diagnosis. Because if we miss, the person will lose timely, effective help.

This is the first time I’ve heard about this. Where did this happen and when? Why didn’t the woman contact the police and the medical institution?

As far as I remember, the example is from the Soviet school, but it is officially documented. Most likely, the woman was intimidated and turned only when the situation had already become critical.

A conditionally mentally healthy person can grab a knife

Maybe, of course, but he will have a good and understandable reason for this, and not delirium jealousy - which is what I was hinting at.

[Serg_A]

All of you psychologists are charlatans.

I have doubts that he is a psychologist. And, not just doubts, that he is a practicing psychologist. I have doubts that he is a psychologist by training. The feeling that he was interested, read something, somewhere on psychology and nothing more.

Yeah, read something somewhere "they started to wear their hats" , and learned only two words, "psychopathy" and "adaptation" .

[Olfar]

Oh, the haters have come, it’s cool.
I also have doubts about what people write on the Internet. If you don’t like it, then I won’t write anything on this topic.

[Serg_A]

Oh, the haters have come, it’s cool.
I also have doubts about what people write on the Internet. If you don’t like it, then I won’t write anything on this topic.

Yes, it’s better not to write anything here.

[The passage]

Oh, the haters have come, it’s cool.
I also have doubts about what people write on the Internet. If you don’t like it, then I won’t write anything on this topic.

I’ll now explain to you why you are not a practicing psychologist and do not have an education in psychology. We have psychologists in organizations, few, rarely, but there are. You write about jealousy, which means you are a private psychologist.
I talked with psychologists. Correctly delivered beautiful speech, replete with terms, is their bread. They sell their services and that’s why they don’t speak like us. The client must understand from the very beginning of communication that he has found a specialist and buy his services. Psychologists, as a rule, speak little and listen more, but they speak in such a way that you immediately believe that he knows what you have and knows what to do, although you don’t understand half of what he said.
You have some knowledge. Maybe you were interested, maybe it was a hobby, or maybe you were googling it. There is knowledge, several terms were used, but it turned out very crookedly. Out of place. I understood what you wrote about, but I didn’t understand why it was in this top. Well, when you start answering questions, you seem to write correctly, but that doesn’t happen in life. You cannot send all your clients to a psychiatrist. You understand that it is not possible to diagnose or rule out a disease just by talking with a strange person. We need an examination. That is, you suspect everyone, send them to see a doctor, there they are admitted to a hospital for examination and he will not return to you later. Do you know what I mean?
I think that your profession and education are far from psychology. Maybe this is your hobby.

[Izumi]

Serg_A,

hahaha you are tough

[etc]

Alternate pliability and coldness, that is, arrange such a “swing” so that he continues to have a state of hope for success and at the same time fear of losing you. The main thing is not to overdo it with coldness. The guy may think that you are planning to keep him in the friend zone, and this (I know from experience) sometimes works exactly the opposite.

A whole plan, a strategy of exhaustion) ). Pushkin also described a similar tactic of the fair sex))): .... let’s put it aside -
We will multiply the price of love,
Or rather, we will start it online;
First we will stab vanity
With hope, there is bewilderment
We will torment the heart, and then
With jealousy we will revive it with fire;
And then, bored with pleasure,
The cunning slave from the shackles
Every hour ready to break out.