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- Hello? Is this a leisure service for men? Sex by phone?
- Draft, my name is Feta. Yes, this is fax by phone.
-Who-o-o? What kind of crack-pack-fax?
- Not fax, but fax! And I am Feta! Well, I’m Fetlana. Ugh, damn it. Sorry, my profto-fub hurts, I’m sitting on analgin. The gumboil is swollen.
- Ah, you are Svetlana! Understood. Why won’t they replace you, with a bad tooth?
- There is no one to replace you. All the girls are on sick leave, it’s an epidemic. And Farinka is on maternity leave.
- On maternity leave? Ha-ha, did she get knocked up on your phone?
- No. Why don’t you talk on the phone? Naturally, from his Folik.
- I can’t laugh! Farinka got knocked up by Folik! I thought I was calling intimately on the phone, but in the process I ended up in "Comedy Woman"!
- There is nothing funny, muffin! And so the fub hurts. Decide now: will you apply for fax? Or free the line!
- I will, Sveta! Once you’ve already collected money, the money is dripping. Come on, burn!
- Then let’s begin. How are you, muffina?
- My name is Kostya.
- So, Foftya... Hello, Foftya? I don’t understand, why are you laughing there?
- Ha-ha-ha!.... This is necessary... No, no, Svetochka, everything is fine. I’m lying on the couch, relaxed, listening to you. Speak.
- So, Foftya, who do you want to see me as? Figritsa, foginya or raphenya?
- What-o-o? Understood nothing. Who else is Nafanya?
- I’m not Nafanya, I’m Feta!
- I understood that, Svetlana, but I didn’t understand the rest. Who can you be?
- I repeat for the weak-minded. Figritsa. Foginei. Rafynya. Some coffee. A sexual slut... why are you laughing again? I can’t work like that!
- Wow-ha, my head is about to come off... No, no, Svetochka, continue, for God’s sake! Who was the last person you called there?
- A sexual gossamer. Well, the one who does the finishing touches, wears headlights, a float and all that bullshit...
- That’s “bullshit” you pronounce best, Sveta.
- Are you kidding me again, asshole? - No, Sveta, you are just fire! I’m already bawling like a seal, my side is already hurting... Everything is fine, honey! It’s decided! I choose you as a sexy mistress! Let’s move on!
- Well, that’s fine, Fofty. So, you are lying on a wide, wide bed, completely naked, and then I come out of the fanny...
- Damn, I’m going to die! Where are you coming from, Sveta?
- From Fanna, understand? Well, from the fuss. Ugh, damn it! Well, from the room where they wash, understand? Why are you so stupid, Foftya?
- Oh, Sveta, a thousand apologies, I’m not laughing on purpose. It’s just that my name sounds very funny to you.
- Why the hell did they call you so bad, Foftya? Famme, furak!
- Who-o-oh?
- Furak, whoa!... Damn, if it weren’t for the gumboil, I would have told you everything, you bastard! - Just a second, Svetik, I’ll calm down... one, two, three! Inhale-exhale! That’s it, ready! So, I’m lying on the bed, you’re getting out of the shower...
- Yes, I’m coming out of the fusha, and I’m wearing black frusses with frugefs and fistochki, and black afur fouls with forks... Fofty, hello ? Where are you?
- Aha-ha, my mother is a woman... Sveta, everything is fine, the cramps just started, and I fell off the couch.
- Didn’t I hurt myself, Foftya?
- No, Sveta, I’m not scared of this anymore.
- And haven’t you made a noise yet?
- Wha-oh?
- Ugh, what are you talking about? , deaf? Didn’t make noise, I say? Didn’t you have an orgasm?
- Oh, oh, oh, you can’t laugh so much... In my opinion, it will be soon, Sveta... God, help me survive to the end of the conversation. So, calm down, Kostya! You need to get yourself together. Inhale and exhale!... Sveta, I’m ready! Shall we go further?
- And so, I come out of the fush, put my foot on the file on your chest and begin to slowly pull off the top...
- Who-o-o?...
- Fifchik, you fucking imbecile! A lace top in which my huge tits are hidden.... Fofty? Hello?
- I’m here, Sveta... oh, oh, oh... what did you say? Pussy?
- Yes, pussy! And what? Have you ever seen a fisek? What did your mother feed you? Did you wrap Fran in a cabbage leaf or something?
- Wow-ha... oh, Kostya, you need to pull yourself together and endure this. Svetonka, sunshine, I’m here. I am at your feet. Inhale and exhale...
- Well, should we continue? Fofty, you Macedonian donkey! If you laugh again, I’ll hang up, understand? And I’ll tear out the wire so that people like you don’t get through!
- Damn, I urgently need to think about something sad. About a funeral, perhaps? Or about the future of the country?... Oh, oh, oh... Come on, Sveta, continue.
- Okay, I convinced you. But this was the last warning, understand?
- Yes, Sveta, I just beg you, don’t stop!
- So, Foftya. With my claws I will tear apart the fudge on your frudie, insert a foleno into your fakh and begin to fuss and ruff you with fubs... Fofta, your mother!
- Yes, Svetik? Oh, oh, oh...
- You’re laughing again, Fofty! What the hell...
- No... no... I can’t laugh anymore, Svetik. I hiccup and hit my head on the floor. This is just some kind of crazy thing. How long will it be there?
- Almost everything, little snatch. And so, I stick out my sweet little tongue and touch your little tongue... and you scream and fight in the ifterik, just like now... Can you hear me there, you fucking *******?
- Yes, Sveta! Oh, oh, oh... Damn, I’m definitely going to die... I listen to you and obey you, my lady! Lord, I’ve never even had such sex live!
- Prafda?
- You won’t believe it, Sveta, oh, oh, oh... but I’m all wet through and through!
- Yeah! Did you make a noise after all, Foftya?
- I didn’t just make a noise, Sveta. Oh, oh, oh... It’s much worse. I got offended, damn it. But you were a beast and your tits were super-duper.
Author Dmitry Spiridonov
And he laughs! 
