Should I stop my ex from doing something stupid? or an adult with his own head on his shoulders.

Unread post by **8091** » 09 Jun 2022, 16:32

BACKGROUND.
My ex and I have not been together for two years now; each has their own life. And that rare case when human closeness, friendly understanding, trust, and some plans were preserved. That is, we communicate not only for the sake of a common child, as in the classics. We discuss and keep you informed about a lot of things.
HISTORY.
a couple of months ago she developed a new passion. It tore down the tower, acts on emotions, butterflies, chemistry. The initiative came from her, he probably wouldn’t even dare to start. As she put it, she began to “immediately fall in love at breakneck speed.”
About that person - 3 years younger, income 2 times less, by the middle of his life no apartment, no car, much less experienced in relationships, in his youth he was on alcohol and drugs for 9 years (on everything he could was able to get it), half-convicted, now on a healthy lifestyle, sports, an ordinary hard worker, building his life anew, but it’s not a fact that he will catch up. He wants a family, a child. Also, due to the past, there are practically no friends. experience of relationships - marriage with the same drug addict, cohabitation in a normal life and in small things. By nature - an introvert, suspicious, touchy, questioning, again due to lack of experience and hidden uncertainty. Cute, brutal, but not like that in character. She’s not attracted to my ex either financially or emotionally, but for the time being she’s happy with everything. She came across many more successful and promising “instances” in her network)))), and communication with such a person does not at all conflict with her past words, but oh well, “you can’t order your heart” - her words. He also understands all this, because of this he is unsure of himself, unstable, complex, demanding, but he can’t help himself.
The first month passed between them in a love frenzy, then some events happened, he showed himself not on the best side and there was a cooling. In addition, he went on vacation to his mother for several weeks. During these events, they seemed to break up, he left her, began to demand more, which she could not give, and could not withstand the fact that she was not attracted, some facts from her life, for example, that she has other life interests, or that I am still present in this life and actively participate. During the “breakup” he lost his temper, after several years he started drinking again, behaved hysterically - blocked/unblocked, separation/silence and eventually started communicating again, again under her influence. Emotional weather vane. Circumstances so happened that he and I crossed paths. They had talked before and he broke off the relationship for the first time. I would have come up and said hello, but he stopped a couple of meters away, put her in the car and glared at me with hatred.
Yes, this guy doesn’t evoke any sympathy in me either, but it’s not about the past or social status, but about such inadequate little things, wormholes of character. That’s what he said to his ex - you will break up completely - just not at home alone, I am unsure of the stability of his psyche at this moment.
We talked with her, according to her plans are to enjoy the moment, passion, without thinking about the future. Also, seeing him from a new side, she became more critical and demanding. Critical with the mind, but not with emotions. What in the past was not tolerated and was not forgiven to me, is still tolerated by him. Butterflies are a priority)) After the conversation, she wrote to me - “thank you for sobering me up, this is priceless.”
After the vacation, their communication resumed. According to his understanding, they are in a serious relationship, the discord is in the past. According to the ex, she wants to be with him for some time, to enjoy these emotions, but she understands that there cannot be a future between them, and by August (1.5 months), she will break up with him. Yes, it will be even more painful for him, but she does not interrupt communication now for the sake of her own emotions, out of healthy (or?) selfishness. But these are words from the brain, and her actions are often dictated by feelings. Maybe he’s deceiving himself or reassuring me.
WHAT IS MY QUESTION ABOUT?
Soon after they met, they stopped defending themselves. On her initiative, for greater sensuality of sex. Fortunately, she demanded that he take tests. Clean They also had a conversation about how she was afraid of pregnancy, but deep down in her heart she wanted another child, and if a pregnancy happened, so that he would not let her make a mistake. According to her, she said this “drunk” after an evening with friends and it’s not serious. He promised not to let me down.
After the vacation, everything continued in the same “unsafe” way. I ask - is this risk worth it? The risk of getting pregnant from a person you don’t see next to you in the future, and even such an ambiguous person. The answer is - it’s not worth it. But the brains are not friends with the body)) She says - I’m a fool for not having time to prescribe birth control. Well, she doesn’t want to tell him - let’s go back to the elastic band. He will be offended, will not understand, will suspect something ahead of time, and will pester you with clarifications.
So, should I intervene, tell him - dude, this shouldn’t be a subject of discussion at all, don’t be a fool and take responsibility, protect yourself and don’t reproduce.
Thanks to everyone who read and responded !

Unread post by **AlexTDV** » 09 Jun 2022, 18:28

It’s just that a woman finally found herself a normal fucker and her sweet spot turned her head))

Unread post by **Honeymoon** » 09 Jun 2022, 20:25

Yes, that’s understandable. To intervene or not?

Unread post by **Onism** » 09 Jun 2022, 20:31

8091, I don’t think you should approach him with this. It’s better to convince your ex. And nothing connects you with that person, at best you will get a negative reaction.

09 Jun 2022, 20:38

If your child is yours, you value him, it’s better to take him with you. You can expect anything from such drug-alcoholics. he may not even be in love. I’m watching emergency, 112

Unread post by **Honeymoon** » 09 Jun 2022, 23:02

I also take this into account: people, especially those who are complex and difficult, are unpredictable in traumatic situations. And he is most likely yes, in love, and very much, such a woman is the best thing that has happened to him in his life. Her addiction is sexual, his is rather emotional. He simply cannot refuse her, although he understands that there is no future. And it’s not a fact that he will emerge after the breakup, the main thing is that he doesn’t drag others down. You are right, fear has big eyes, you’ve seen enough stories, anything can happen in life.

Unread post by **Bro** » 09 Jun 2022, 23:53

8091, if you love a child, then of course you should intervene, but it’s unlikely I will be able to do something with my wife, in any case it will not be easy. And yes, about his health and tests. So that he doesn’t sing and talk, If a former drug addict, then 99.9 percent there is hepatitis and it’s for life, it’s possible that he’ll give it to your ex and your child if she gets pregnant. By the way, here is a possible reason for his healthy lifestyle.

Unread post by **Honeymoon** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:24

AlexTDV: ↑09 Jun 2022, 18:28 the woman has finally found something for herself

Yes, this is understandable, but she herself answers with her brain - it’s not worth it. That is, she will make mistakes herself, but she probably won’t be able to sort them out alone.

Unread post by **Honeymoon** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:29

Onism: ↑09 Jun 2022, 20:31 It’s better to convince your ex

and deprive him of female happiness, so fleeting

she will understand later , Hope

Unread post by **Onism** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:31

Honeymoon: ↑10 Jun 2022, 01:24 Yes, this is understandable, but she herself answers with her brain - it’s not worth it. That is, she will make mistakes herself, but she probably won’t be able to sort them out alone

So she won’t learn to sort them out on her own if she always has an ex behind her. Women can do a lot themselves. And if you continue to do everything for the “adult aunt,” then she will forever remain incapable of anything. So her feelings will diverge from her reason. And the ex will solve her problems.. That’s cool.

Unread post by **8091** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:38

Honeymoon: ↑10 Jun 2022, 01:29 do something with my wife, in any case it won’t be easy

well, one of her characteristics is that she avoids taking responsibility and make decisions. Especially if it is associated with negativity. Let it go as it goes, maybe it will resolve itself or someone else will decide for her. In some ways she is mega-independent, but in others she follows the lead of others and her emotions - like Scarlett O’Hara - “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”
If she were humanly indifferent and not a child - I wouldn’t even doubt it and pull away. Her life - her decisions - her consequences. And so...

Unread post by **Semyon Semyonich** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:43

Didn’t have time to write it out? Is she in jail or something? I went out and bought it.
Communicate with a drug addict. Yeah, former.

Unread post by **8091** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:44

8091: ↑10 Jun 2022, 01:38 So she won’t learn to sort them out on her own if she always has her ex behind her back. Women can do a lot themselves. And if you continue to do everything for the “adult aunt,” then she will forever remain incapable of anything. So her feelings will diverge from her reason. And the ex will solve her problems.. That’s cool.

There are mistakes that cannot be sorted out and cannot be erased ;;))
An unplanned child, hepatitis, unpredictable reactions of an inadequate lone psycho...

Unread post by **Bro** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:50

8091, you can’t understand these women((you are a living example , my sister with two children divorced her husband, found herself "WOMAN’S HAPPINESS" 7 years younger than her, he was in prison all his life from the age of 16, he has no money, no education, no profession. The whole family and children included. in shock, but you can’t prove anything to her, he went to jail again for a year, so she went to see him every week and kept him in the zone. This is a ps

, so of course try, but it will be difficult.

Unread post by **Onism** » 10 Jun 2022, 01:53

8091: ↑10 Jun 2022, 01:38 If I were humanly indifferent and not a child, I wouldn’t even doubt it and pull away. Her life - her decisions - her consequences. And so...

8091, Yes, I understand this, but in your case, you still need to decide something with her and with the child. It will be better this way. Trying to solve something with her mother, you can do even worse things.

Unread post by **Honeymoon** » 10 Jun 2022, 02:12

8091: ↑09 Jun 2022, 16:32 Didn’t have time to write it out? Is she in jail or something? I went out and bought it.
Communicate with a drug addict. Yeah, the former.

From her words - his darkness, the past allow the darkness inside me not to hide and open up. I’m not embarrassed, I’m not afraid to seem bad. This is at the level of instincts.

Unread post by **Frodo** » 10 Jun 2022, 02:13

It’s better to arrange your own life, but don’t interfere with someone else’s, it could end up sideways for everyone. There are no former drug addicts, it’s just a matter of time and everything will return to normal

Unread post by **Bro** » 10 Jun 2022, 02:35

Frodo, so this is his life, there is his child . The one he loves.

Unread post by **NitroJ** » 10 Jun 2022, 02:40

Heh, dude, this shouldn’t be a subject of discussion at all, don’t be stupid and pull yourself together, forget your ex and her new boyfriend, it’s none of your business, live your life, there’s no need to get into this jungle!

Unread post by **Bro** » 10 Jun 2022, 02:42

What are you reading?? What is your life like? He has his BABY there!

Unread post by **NitroJ** » 10 Jun 2022, 02:53

Brother: ↑10 Jun 2022, 02:42 What are you reading?? What is your life like? He has his CHILD there!

Let him figure out a special operation to take him away, I don’t know, the dude doesn’t live his own life, he knows such details, I don’t know, or let him carry out an operation to return him narrowed.

Unread post by **Frodo** » 11 Jun 2022, 23:39

Brother, where is the certainty that this is his child? If you can’t let go of the past, why get a divorce?

Should I stop my ex from doing something stupid? or an adult with his own head on his shoulders.

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